theressomethingabout

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are"

Archive for the tag “Mother”

Raising Xam… Alone

Who would have thought that a plain Jane have blown her chances away to raise her child alone? But it wasn’t that alarming at all. Besides, being a parent, especially mother, is the best gift we could ever receive and believe me, your happiness will get doubled and even grows even more. No one can ever explain the downpour of feelings the time you first hold your baby.

Plain Janes like me are everywhere and increasingly dominating the single-parent statistics. From the time I see the heartbeat of Xam inside me until I gave birth to him, I shouldered all the emotional, physical and psychological struggles all alone. Yes, it was so difficult, or I should say painful – physical pain, emotional pain, psychological pain, it tortured me. Until now, I still can’t help but cry everytime I recall those life-threatening moments – and I survived. Oh I’m crying. But why should I? With just one look at Xam, I know that I am blessed with the true greatest gift.

Xam has never been a hard-to-please baby. He was so quiet and calm. He had less fussy periods during his first month unless he is hungry, uncomfortable or sleepy. Some infants cry so loud and uncontrollably for no reason at all and I’m glad that I rarely experienced this with Xam, though from doctor’s point of view, fussy crying is just normal. It even helps the baby release excess energy so they could return to a more contented state. This is easy for a single mom like me, for a having a very cooperative son.

Kidding aside, what I need to understand about single-parenting is that this is not a half-way journey. What the father mostly can’t provide, the mother will compensate and she always has a way to make things work out. And as long as I’m getting support from family, I don’t have anything to worry about. Huh, just like that. Yes, just like that. And because I care a lot for my family the more that I want to take care of myself.

Guilty-feeling Not

At times, I couldn’t help but to feel guilty for not even thinking about Xam before I dared think about conceiving him, that he would only be having one parent. But it doesn’t mean that I’m guilty I have to make amends by spoiling him. Spoiling is but natural. It’s just means that you’re giving attention to your baby because that’s what he needs in a single-parent family. I’m just so grateful that my parents support me and share the day-in, day-out job of taking care of Xam.

Don’t look for problems that don’t exist.

I don’t anticipate problems but I do recognize them when they arise. Sometimes I may fall short of my responsibility as a parent but that doesn’t mean that it’s a hole in the heart that I should be guilty of and that Xam won’t grow up a better child. I know I’ll be facing challenges of being a single parent and one of them is handling things alone. But this is more of a challenge not a difficulty. Only when times get rough and specific things get complicated and unhandy will I need a source of support. And again, I’m fortunate enough to have my family and friends around.

The best medicine of all: laughter and humor

I realize how important it is to maintain good humor in ourselves. Everything seems so light and manageable if matters are taken positively. Challenges are more fun before you know you surpass it. So laugh it all the way and you’ll feel 16 again.

Relax, see a movie, go to the spa…

Why not? For you and for your family’s sake, stay healthy – eat right, get enough rest and sleep, and get a break by hanging out with friends once in a while. Pursue your interest and hobbies.

 

MOM’S STANDPOINT

Being a single parent doesn’t mean being alone. We all have extended families and friends to support us and it’s completely fine to ask for help from professionals like your pediatrician when you need it. They’ll be most concerned not only about your child’s development but also about you and your relationship with your family. So don’t feel alone and isolated. You too as a mom has your own emotional needs and don’t be afraid to acknowledge it. Face it optimistically and with confidence.

Blogger repost: Did you wish you were a child again?

1-yr old Xam on his walker. I love taking pictures of him when he was a baby.

Since I opened up my new wordpress blog, I tend to forget about posting on my launching blog “Single Mom at Best” where most of my experiences and journey as a mother was recorded. I feel so guilty of not even bothered visiting it once in a while or when I open my laptop – like it was an obligation to keep it readable and popular to at least the co-blogger community and least to ones who can relate to it – as it was my sort of “shock absorber” and a dependable “friend” whenever I want to trust my feelings to the world. I succumbed to the idea of leaving it just like that but I think it is unfair so I am digging a hole to somehow connect it to this blog by reposting some of my favorites, just like the one below published on August 7, 2008 at 20:43pm.

Did you wish you were a child again?

Last weekend, when I went home for a 3-day vacation, I had the chance to look at our old photo albums again after quite a long time. Some photos are actually vanishing that I can no longer recognize who’s in it and even if I could, I still felt bad to find out that it is one of my favorites and feel sorry that I haven’t kept and preserve them the way they deserve. Anyway, as I kept turning on the pages, I was smiling and even bursting in laughter on my childhood pictures where I look so darned perky, with my sister, brother, cousins, grade school classmates and friends and childhood neighbors. While looking at them, I also remember what happened then or why it happened. Like one photo taken during our dance number during a commencement exercise where my younger brother at about 6 yrs old came up on stage to join the dance. If I could have known he will find the guts to do so, then I could have warned him. But it happened. He kid and went up on stage beside me where it would have only be me in the picture as the star dancer and the dance wasn’t ruined at all. But I have to admit, he was actually great. I didn’t know he was watching on us during our practices and learned the steps by himself. I was surprised he can follow with us during the performance. It’s just that, he was going in wrong directions most of the time.

Everytime we had a school occasion, I was the star. The graders looked up to me whenever I perform upstage that even when I graduated, they would ask me to help them arrange a dance number for a school activity. Whew! What a pressure! I actually didn’t have to feel it ‘cause I really enjoyed dancing. Well, I can still dance but I don’t have the time now. Only when I go home for the weekend in the province will I have the chance to dance, but no longer just me as the star dancer but with my son, Xam. He loves music so much. He loves to be swayed. Maybe because when I was still pregnant, I get to listen to classic instrumentals and we have this CD that I kept on playing every morning when I wake up. It’s the classic version of Abba songs. So everytime Xam’s about to fall asleep, I turn on the stereo and play his favorite ‘I Have a Dream’ and then we swing together. Without a doubt, he’d close his eyes quick for a sound sleep.

Now Xam's enjoying a scooter ride in the mall's play area

I didn’t realize what a child simply wants until I became a mother. And I wouldn’t want to deprive my son of his simple wishes. When he wants to reach for something he’s fond of, as long as it’s not going to hurt him, I help him reach for it. Whenever I notice he’s not comfortable with his shoes, I remove it. If he screams while the priest is praying during the mass, I don’t warn him to shush; I just take him at the back and turn his attention to things that would make him quiet. As much as possible, I don’t want to make growing up hard for him, but as early as possible, I want him to learn how to go about it on his own. I want him to enjoy it like I did. The experiences were hard-earned for me but it wasn’t at all rough. I do get being reprimanded most of the time and had been deprived of my wants sometimes, I could still do what I love doing a lot; just like dancing, I could go with the flow.

“For the lessons of life there is no better teacher, than the look in the eyes of a child…”

We can give justice to what we believe is right in our present time, by trusting to our childlike instinct, with love, hope and trust in our hearts.

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