Since I opened up my new wordpress blog, I tend to forget about posting on my launching blog “Single Mom at Best” where most of my experiences and journey as a mother was recorded. I feel so guilty of not even bothered visiting it once in a while or when I open my laptop – like it was an obligation to keep it readable and popular to at least the co-blogger community and least to ones who can relate to it – as it was my sort of “shock absorber” and a dependable “friend” whenever I want to trust my feelings to the world. I succumbed to the idea of leaving it just like that but I think it is unfair so I am digging a hole to somehow connect it to this blog by reposting some of my favorites, just like the one below published on August 7, 2008 at 20:43pm.
Did you wish you were a child again?
Last weekend, when I went home for a 3-day vacation, I had the chance to look at our old photo albums again after quite a long time. Some photos are actually vanishing that I can no longer recognize who’s in it and even if I could, I still felt bad to find out that it is one of my favorites and feel sorry that I haven’t kept and preserve them the way they deserve. Anyway, as I kept turning on the pages, I was smiling and even bursting in laughter on my childhood pictures where I look so darned perky, with my sister, brother, cousins, grade school classmates and friends and childhood neighbors. While looking at them, I also remember what happened then or why it happened. Like one photo taken during our dance number during a commencement exercise where my younger brother at about 6 yrs old came up on stage to join the dance. If I could have known he will find the guts to do so, then I could have warned him. But it happened. He kid and went up on stage beside me where it would have only be me in the picture as the star dancer and the dance wasn’t ruined at all. But I have to admit, he was actually great. I didn’t know he was watching on us during our practices and learned the steps by himself. I was surprised he can follow with us during the performance. It’s just that, he was going in wrong directions most of the time.
Everytime we had a school occasion, I was the star. The graders looked up to me whenever I perform upstage that even when I graduated, they would ask me to help them arrange a dance number for a school activity. Whew! What a pressure! I actually didn’t have to feel it ‘cause I really enjoyed dancing. Well, I can still dance but I don’t have the time now. Only when I go home for the weekend in the province will I have the chance to dance, but no longer just me as the star dancer but with my son, Xam. He loves music so much. He loves to be swayed. Maybe because when I was still pregnant, I get to listen to classic instrumentals and we have this CD that I kept on playing every morning when I wake up. It’s the classic version of Abba songs. So everytime Xam’s about to fall asleep, I turn on the stereo and play his favorite ‘I Have a Dream’ and then we swing together. Without a doubt, he’d close his eyes quick for a sound sleep.
I didn’t realize what a child simply wants until I became a mother. And I wouldn’t want to deprive my son of his simple wishes. When he wants to reach for something he’s fond of, as long as it’s not going to hurt him, I help him reach for it. Whenever I notice he’s not comfortable with his shoes, I remove it. If he screams while the priest is praying during the mass, I don’t warn him to shush; I just take him at the back and turn his attention to things that would make him quiet. As much as possible, I don’t want to make growing up hard for him, but as early as possible, I want him to learn how to go about it on his own. I want him to enjoy it like I did. The experiences were hard-earned for me but it wasn’t at all rough. I do get being reprimanded most of the time and had been deprived of my wants sometimes, I could still do what I love doing a lot; just like dancing, I could go with the flow.
“For the lessons of life there is no better teacher, than the look in the eyes of a child…”
We can give justice to what we believe is right in our present time, by trusting to our childlike instinct, with love, hope and trust in our hearts.